Achievement Unlocked Visibility Global Unlocks
Most Improved Tapulator
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu. 		2022-02-07 17:56:47 4.7%
Clumsy
Die a lot of times in your nightmares. 		2021-10-21 16:11:54 6.1%
Swan Tamer
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill. 		2021-10-21 15:56:32 10.5%
Self Defence
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests. 		2021-10-21 15:55:17 15.9%
Fire Inspector
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety. 		2021-10-20 17:53:31 32.1%
Go Right
Move to the right. 		2021-10-20 17:42:33 45.1%
Go Left
Move to the left. 		2021-10-20 17:42:26 45.2%
Appalling Appetite
You should see a doctor immediately.
1.2%
Paperwork
Submit your monthly physical report. 		2.1%
Master Unlocker
Collect enough milk to fill the tank. 		3.8%
Popcorn Buffet
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn. 		3.3%
Sleep No More
Don't let sleeping dongs lie. 		1.5%
Early Bird
Swallow every worm. 		1.7%
Couch Party
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game. 		1.2%
The Perfect Partner
Marry yourself in Abstinence. 		4.0%
Till Death Do Us
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard. 		9.3%
Magnetic Basshole
Win Lights Out in under five seconds. 		3.7%
My Precious
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings. 		3.1%
Safety First
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles. 		3.0%
Meet Your Maker
Penetrate God.
3.0%
Spare Wheel
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus. 		4.7%
Generous Lover
Finish last in a Party Mode game. 		31.8%
Always Finishes First
Good at video games. Terrible at sex. 		6.6%
Summer Job
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
4.3%
Autopaedicatio
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode. 		6.8%
Fussy Lover
Save yourself for that special orgy. 		1.1%
Bulking Gear
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains. 		1.5%
A Better John
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
11.2%